I see nice looking guys but when they look my way I turn my head. I’m 30 and was married since I was 18. It is so hard trying to date again. If anyone has any pointers please let me know how to get back into dating and feeling confident after divorce. Also is this normal to feel this way?
http://www.okcupid.com
it’s free and it has an excellent and fun matching matrix.
I was with my husband since I was 18 as well, but I tragically lost him to depression and prescription medications. The lonliness is debilitating and destructive- so one must at least socialize. Think of dating as socializing rather than finding a replacement and you will have a lot of fun and laughs. Keeping it light is your key. If you find someone you’re interested in; go out for coffee or a soda. Don’t try to impress, just be yourself and think of making a new friend, not a boyfriend. If coffee goes well, maybe you can meet for lunch sometime. If things aren’t going well for coffee and he wants to go for lunch… let him know that you had a nice time, but you’ll be busy. That should give him the hint you’re not interested. NEVER NEVER NEVER talk trash about your ex. Don’t feed their trash talk about an ex either. Your date is not about ‘them’ it’s about you and him.
Oh yeah….. you pay for your own coffee. Then you don’t have to feel obligated to say yes to a lunch or dinner date.
how do you look?
nice looking chicks get dates easily
chubby ones usually settle for less. same goes for guys.
Yes…It’s normal to feel like this.
I would strongly suggest you take it easy…Don’t feel pressured to date if you don’t feel “ready”. A divorce is never a happy experience, and we all need time to adjust and for the dust to settle.
I also think going to counseling is a good idea, at least for a while. It helps us focus on ourselves and it helps us to examine where we went wrong, too.
People who start dating immediately after breaking up or getting divorced get involved in rebound relationships, which seldom last and only cause further heartache and confusion.
Good luck.
yes, its not easy… You pick up habits from the other person and you look for similarities….
After my divorce I had short relationships with two people, nothing serious just s e x to get over my ex…it lasted about 9 months.
well I was actually looking for serious but they didnt want it. So after I broke up with them I started to search singles sites online and met this guy who wouldnt leave me alone. he asked me out and I fell in love this was about one year ago . Now im 7 weeks pregnant by this JaCK a.sss yes, thats his new name because he walked out on me one week ago, after I found out that he s been cheating on me with his manager,,,even though I forgave him and asked him to switch jobs, but he said no, and that if I come to his work and harrass his manager hell call the cops on me. I decided to keep the baby even though he wont be around. This is my life. I guess it never gets better, does it.
im going through this now. my husband and i are seperated 6 months, told me he is not coming back. I did go out on a few dates, but nothing exciting happened. I was nervous, and uncomfortble. Maybe it wasnt them and just me, because i still feel very connected to my husband.
Hopefully it will get easier for me and you. I guess time is the answer.
It is a difficult transition for many people, especially when you married so young. You have very little experience in adult dating situations, and it is in the past too, so you are rusty. Things change, and dating in high school is completely different than doing so later in life. It is hard to get to know someone in a social situation the way you did in school, before deciding to date them. You may feel uncertain and hesitant. That’s normal. Why don’t you practice flirting for a while and just don’t worry about what the guy thinks or wants. Don’t view them as perspective dates, just guys. Eventually you will meet someone who you are interested in. And by the way check-out lines, book stores, sporting events, etc are all good places to engage guys in harmless conversations.
It was the late 70’s that last time I had dated. I got divorced in March of 2005 and started dating that summer. It was really hard. I started out by going online and talking to people who seemed interesting. Some would answer and email, some not. Some are liars, some are honest. I was very careful about giving out any personal information like address or phone number or last name. I also met for 1st date in a very public place and we always drove separate. I always arrived about 15 minutes before the agreed time and I don’t like it when people are late. I came out of a 24 year marriage and things, well lets just say they are very different. I did find someone. On Yahoo Personals as a matter of fact. We dated for 6 months and then moved in. Lived together for a year and a half and recently got married. I love him very much and we are extremely happy (we should be, we are still on our honeymoon, hope it lasts all year). I wish you the best. Work on you, don’t compromise, don’t settle. Try not to expect someone perfect, they don’t exist. My husband and I like to say that we are “perfectly imperfect”. Good luck.